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On the other side of similar instincts I have found that in order for a partner to trust me I must 'set boundaries' around things I don't even want boundaries about. "Politely and firmly standing up for myself" is not really about me and what I want but about claiming territory that she needs me to claim. Which I find a tad ironic but tolerable. I do select somewhat for people whose boundary-testing needs are compatible with my enjoyment.
ETA: Standing up against things I don't care about doesn't feel incongruent or dishonest to me at all. Because...
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