wedrifid comments on Rationality and Relationships September 2011 - Less Wrong
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That's my experience, too. I have seen progress being made in some of the discussions about gender, even though they can be frustrating. But perhaps I'm focusing on the exchanges that I was involved in.
Also the topics you are interested in. Ethical issues related to gender are of particular interest to you so a conversation being derailed to ethical considerations are less pointless to you than to some.