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cousin_it comments on My Greatest Achievement - Less Wrong
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Comments (29)
Upvoted for not conditioning your behavior on romantic love!
I feel a strong urge to give some advice that may or may not be applicable, so feel free to disregard: a significant percentage of relationships like yours eventually end because the boy grows too emotionally dependent, which makes the girl lose attraction. So try to take choices that make your boyfriend a stronger person.
For what it's worth, I agree. "Attractions is not a choice" they say and there are few things as unattractive, as a man who is too needy. If one doesn't keep an eye on such developments, they may slowly suffocate the relationship and suddenly one wakes up and the flame of desire is extinguished.
Thanks for the advice. I don't know whether it will be applicable; I've already spent the last 8 months trying to REDUCE his emotional dependency from "has a bad day if he doesn't see me" (I don't know, but I think it'd be pretty depressing to live like that) to "can go a couple of days without absolutely needing to see or talk to me." If it starts to rise again, though, yeah that'd be pretty annoying.
Yes. This applies (less frequently) to too-dependent females also. Presumably "hey, maybe I could do a lot better" is the obvious implication - so if other factors defeat that implication, I guess it's fine or may even be pleasant or reassuring.