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machrider comments on [gooey request-for-help] I don't know what to do. - Less Wrong
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It should be noted that, by frequenting this website and taking the material seriously, you've probably set terrifyingly high intellectual standards for yourself. For me at least, that can cause no small amount of stress. You should be proud that you're tackling something really hard, but try to remember that "temporary emotional kick[s]" are an entirely rational goal. Live a little.
If you're going to be spending a lot of time online, you might as well join OkCupid. I typically make one real friend (or less) per year, but being on OKC -- and taking it seriously -- netted me seven new, real friends this year alone. Of course, most of them live insanely far away, but that doesn't end up mattering much. It's the feeling of truly connecting with another mind that pays well-being dividends, and this can easily happen over text, audio, or video chat. Yes, it can occasionally be like astronaut food instead of real food, but astronaut food is better than no food at all.
You might also benefit from a pilgrimage. Do you own a bike? It's about to be autumn and prime bike trip weather. Even a long walk or hike (in any environment; wilderness is not essential) will be beneficial.
Wow, that OkCupid result is surprising. It has not been my experience. What are you doing that causes people to reach out to you in a friendly (rather than romantic) way on there? (Or are you the one reaching out?)
And I agree with regard to the intellectual standard, especially if you consider your intelligence a defining characteristic. Reading the discussion here (and not having much to contribute) has... recontextualized my own self-image.
I'm not quite as active on OKC anymore, but when I was, I'd write to lots and lots (hundreds, over a year) of people (girls) with near-zero expectation of response. My guiding star wasn't friend or romantic partner, but "do I want to know this person?" I've written to at least one dude (in my area) who I thought I'd click with, but he didn't write back. I get along with girls better anyway. My checklist:
Check pics. Am I attracted to this person? I'll still write if the profile is extraordinary and/or I sense that our friendship will be a solid one. Stipulating friendship right out of the gate isn't a problem for me.
Have they answered more than 400 match questions? The match scores should be robust. Are we over 90% match? Over 80% friends? Less than 10% enemy?
Is their "dating persona" something non-alarm-bells-y like The Maid of Honor? Although, I admit a curiosity about girls who get Genghis Khunt or The Battleaxe, if their profiles are otherwise inviting or innocuous.
Check "unacceptable answers" in the match questions sidebar. Are they religious/agnostic? I don't want to get into arguments about solved problems. Are they very politically correct? I don't want to tiptoe. Are there unusual inconsistencies? I don't want to deal with a compartmentalizer.
Now I look at what they've actually written about themselves. Are they articulate? Do they possess knowledge I do not? Are they funny? I don't care too much about preferences like music, books, etc unless there is something tellingly atrocious in there like Korn or James Patterson.
If all of this comes up clean, then I initiate contact with a short, clever message pertaining to some specific part of their profile. If they respond, after a short exchange I try to steer things toward a chat session -- the real test. If our banter is self-generating, then this person is added to my gchat list and away we go! Sometimes people start out as potential romantic partners, but end up as friends because of untenable distances or plain old lack of romantic spark. In summary, I think it's possible to gain a lot from your OKC experience if you don't have binary notions of friendship and love, don't disappoint easily, and are willing to put in the time and effort to succeed.
Thanks so much for the detailed response.