One of my ongoing mental projects: is there a sensation of being induced into an emotional state, or having a response elicited from me, which under neutral circumstances or in retrospect I would not be happy about? If so, can I train myself to notice this sensation and respond in real time?
Alternatively, how do I notice when people are fleecing me for trivial amounts of money, so I don't feel like a chump afterwards?
I have an especially distressing example of this from a year ago, when I was approached after dark by a homeless woman asking me for money. In spite of saying no about half a dozen times, in the end I still found myself handing over a bunch of spare change. I should point out that I'm no stranger to interacting with beggars and homeless people, but the exchange was so unlike how I expect those interactions to go, I simply wasn't equipped to deal with it.
In retrospect I can recognise some reasonably sophisticated Dark Arts in play: she spun an obviously false but highly confusing story about her situation, which created a sense of urgency, and managed to combine a very aggressive conversational tone while still portraying herself as a victim. The result was me feeling placed in an unprecedentedly distressing situation where the path of least resistance was to hand over an inconsequential amount of money and feel like the aforementioned chump afterwards.
Unfortunately I'm not exposed to aggressively devious beggars on a regular enough basis to gauge how well I'd now respond to similar situations.
Alternatively, how do I notice when people are fleecing me for trivial amounts of money, so I don't feel like a chump afterwards?
Absolutely perfect wording. My same thought at the register was that $2.97 was hardly worth fussing over. When my mental playback set in on the way out the door and to my car, my emotions/self-image begged to differ.
I just returned from buying a multimeter at Menards and wanted to post my thoughts while they were still fresh. I hardly ever have the need to use a multimeter. In diagnosing my non-heating microwave, I fried my 2-3 year old meter (don't ask) and went out for another to finish the job. I had many choices. I essentially went with the best of the lowest tier: $14. The next options were $35 and then $55.
I got to the checkout register and was waiting at the end of the conveyor belt ready to swipe my card when the cashier came over to me, stood very close, and in an almost confiding sort of hushed tone, said something like so: "With anything fragile like this, electronics and other things, you want to be careful. Check it out. Make sure it looks good and works. If it doesn't you just bring it back within a year and we'll replace it, no questions asked. Just two ninety seven."
Now, I believe as he said that last part, he was kind of walking back toward the register and I almost reflexively said, "Okay."
Once that word was uttered and I saw him then start doing something with the register, the words I heard all of the sudden registered. I recall thinking, "Oh! He was selling me a warranty of some sort." I grimaced internally but didn't speak up about it.
On my way out of the store, I was angry with myself and feeling very stupid. I wanted a cheap multi-meter. My $14 was now $18 after tax. Using it once or twice a year and then having it sit pristinely in my tool box isn't even worth the $3 insurance policy, especially since it was so cheap to begin with. I tried to catch myself and stop being angry; I thought, "No, let's learn from this situation rather than just feeling stupid. What in the world happened back there?"
Here's what I noticed about the interaction: