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Raemon comments on The Gift We Give Tomorrow, Spoken Word [Finished?] - Less Wrong
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Curious: did you read the original first, after I linked or it, or the poem version?
I read this version, then the comments, then Eliezer's version. I had a similar reaction to both.
Did you end up with strong opinions on the "Beyond the Reach of God" line?
Not at the moment of reading, possibly because I had no standard of comparison. In retrospect, the line "Beyond the reach of God" doesn't reinforce the vision of transcendent humanity quite as powerfully as the original. I think it was the unexpected contrast of moving from the discussion of evolutionary psychology to this futuristic vision of humanity that gave the ending its power.