Raemon comments on Beyond the Reach of God, Abridged for Spoken Word - Less Wrong
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Comments (29)
I know tastes differ, but... my favorite single paragraph in all of LW didn't make the cut :-( Maybe it doesn't translate to spoken word very well?
That was an unfortunate, arbitrary call. The whole piece is filled with good lines, and somehow they need to be trimmed out to the minimum necessary to convey the idea. There are some other borderline sections that I might swap out for it, but honestly they probably need to be removed to begin with. (Specifically, the line about the cows and wolves - that can be skipped over to the line about humans. But evolution is a recurring theme for the night as well [An Alien God is also getting abridged. Very seriously abridged] and I'd like to keep that tied in.)
I may be underestimating how long people's attention span is, but I'd prefer to risk overshooting the trimming process. But I'll try reading it with and without and see if it feels too long. If I were to include it, it'd be trimmed something like this:
I think removing it was a fine call. It is a nice paragraph, of course, but as you said, the entire thing is nicely written. And the next paragraph:
conveys the same idea well enough.
If I were adding in the torture paragraph, it'd probably actually replace the "shade of gloom" paragraph. I think they end up closely stacked against each other - if you're saving the three lines from "gloom" then the slight length of "torture" isn't too bad. Then it's just "which is more powerful," which I'm still mulling over.
The trimmed version looks fine to me, but you don't have to include the paragraph just because one person likes it! It's completely your call.