Ketamine is basically the reason I will not touch drugs, including alcohol. I can’t be sure how much of my truly awful experience I should attribute to the drug itself or the context in which it was taken. I probably took ketamine in one of the worst circumstances. I was given ketamine when I was 6 years old for an operation on my arm. I was also given Valium ® so I didn’t experience anything hallucinogenic, but I definitely had the dissociation. I spent a good bit of time smacking my face into things and quoting lines from Young Frankenstein, then I was slapped down on an operating table and watched my arm get sliced open fully aware of what was happening and fully aware that I couldn’t even move my own body to try to stop it. I came out of the operating room with blood-shot eyes screaming to my mom that, “They didn’t put me out, I was awake the whole time.” I told you about that to explain the circumstances I was under when I was given the drug, which might explain a good deal. A few weeks after I had gotten out of the hospital I had a flashback in which I had intense psychosis, and paralysis. I thought I was going out of my mind, and I couldn’t pick myself off the floor to unlock the door that my sister was crying and pounding on. It also seemed to have affected my sleeping patterns, and gave me nightmares for years to follow. I know that it might have been the best thing to give me but sometimes I wish the doctors had just clubbed me with a 2” x 4” instead of giving me ketamine. While it may be some wonder drug that doesn’t jeopardize breathing and heart rate, I feel like it fucked me up for years, and sent my mom to a psychiatrist because my psychosis spread to her...

--K.U.

pg248-298 of Ketamine: Dreams and Realities, "Journeys into the Fright World"