Breaking the false dichotomy here.
Asking questions does not make you seem un-smart. In fact, asking good or genuine questions makes you seem intelligent enough to recognize your known unknowns, confident enough to admit it, and implies that you understood everything else they said. (if someone says Confusing Things A, B, C, and D, and you ask an intelligent question about C, then they assume that you understand A, B, and D much more than they otherwise would)
Other benefits:
Asking questions gives the other person the opportunity to teach you something, which will make them like you more.
The other person may feel grateful that you asked something they also wanted the answer to.
People like to have fun. Being good-natured about being laughed at sometimes (in a non-meanspirited way), means that people associate you with positive feelings.
That's not to say that asking questions always has these benefits. I think what's mainly important is HOW you ask a question.
Example- Someone is explaining their thesis. Normally people just nod along, and say "interesting". Instead, do your best to follow what they are talking about. Ask questions to clarify. When you think you understand, state what you think they are saying as a question: "Oh, so the genes you are putting into the bacteria will cause them to stop producing that protein, and you'll know if it works because then they'll turn blue?"
Now, not only does the person actually think that you are smart, but they also are happy because they got a chance to explain their work to someone who understood it, and they will like you more.
Asking questions does not make you seem un-smart. In fact, asking good or genuine questions makes you seem intelligent enough to recognize your known unknowns, confident enough to admit it, and implies that you understood everything else they said.
While this is plausibly true of a fair chunk of the experiences people on LW have, from the human norm it is a rather odd situation where this holds.
Different cultures do things differently.
...Asking questions gives the other person the opportunity to teach you something, which will make them like you more.
(If I do anything wrong here, please tell me. I don't know what I'm doing and would benefit from being told what I've got wrong, if anything. I've never made a top-level post here before.)
So, it seems like most people here are really smart. And a lot of us, I'm betting, will have been identified as smart when we were children, and gotten complimented on it a lot. And it's pretty common for that to really mess you up, and then you don't end up reaching your full potential. Admittedly, maybe only people who've gotten past all that read Less Wrong. Maybe I'm the exception. But somehow I doubt that very much.
So here's the only thing I can think of to say if this is your situation: ask stupid questions.
Seriously, even if it shows that you have no clue what was just said. (Especially if it shows that. You don't want to continue not understanding.) You can optimize for being smart, you can optimize for seeming smart, but sometimes you need to pick which one to optimize for. It may make you uncomfortable to admit to not knowing something. It may make you feel like the people around you will stop thinking you're all-knowing. But if you don't know how to ask stupid questions, and you just keep pretending to understand, you'll fall behind and eventually be outed as being really, really stupid, instead of just pretty normal. Which sounds worse?
Here, let me demonstrate: so, what tags go on this post and how would I know?
So, anyone else know of any similar things to do, to get back to optimizing for being smart instead of for seeming smart?