atorm comments on Less Wrong mentoring thread - Less Wrong

31 Post author: John_Maxwell_IV 29 December 2011 12:10AM

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Comment author: EphemeralNight 29 December 2011 01:28:14PM 9 points [-]

A related idea is for people who have some goal they want to achieve, like having a romantic relationship with someone of their preferred gender

I am 22 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend. At no time in my life have I remained single by choice.

I strongly suspect that this has more to do with a general inability to form social contacts, than anything specific to forming a pair-bond. Wherever the difficulty, the goal is to meet and befriend someone with whom I can share a meaningful and lasting intimate relationship, and socializing-in-general would be no more than a means to that end.

It is likely that I have heard all the general advice on this subject, multiple times, and enacted it where applicable. Nothing in the cached wisdom has proven helpful. I am still single. And not merely single but genuinely alone without friends or associates, and starting to feel frustrated in helplessness about it.

If there's help to be had, I would be glad of it.

Comment author: atorm 30 December 2011 06:16:33PM *  8 points [-]

Joining the swing dancing club at my college did more for my social skills/life and romantic opportunities then any other single choice in my life. Swing dancers as a culture tend to be open, friendly, and lacking in personal space boundaries. If you have a club in your area, go to lessons and go to social dances until you start getting complimented on your dancing. Work at becoming a good dancer. I assume you have already read advice on how to make small talk, which is all you need while dancing. Once you become a proficient dancer, girls will start flirting with you. This is just a thing among swing dancers: good dancer = attractive. Provided you aren't creepy (again, I will assume you've read enough to prevent this) you will find dancers an incredibly accepting group.

Tl;dr swing dancing clubs are an excellent way to meet people without having to maintain long conversations.