WANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANT WANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTNEEDNEEDNEED NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

Ok, I'm done now. D:

At times like this, I tend to think I were genetically "meant" to be The Tribes Shaman, every aspect of my psychology and maybe even some physical being fine tuned for that specific role by some ancient cluster of genes that got combined in just the right way to synergize and get their activation turned up to eleven. I even start to suspect the inability to act on this at all might contribute to my crippling mental illness. Right now, a picture of beaver with bloody stumps for paws trying to dig into a concrete floor refuses to stop loping in my head. Not that I trust any of these suspicions or intuitions, it's probably nonsense, but revealing them seems like the best way to communicating what I'm feeling.

I have no idea how much I'd give for a gotenburg based meetup, but it's certainly something absurdly desperate.

This post resonates so deeply within me... it's like some clichéd "calling", like this is what I were meant to spend my life doing and I'd spend it all in a creepy wireheaded stupor of ecstasy because of how fun it'd be. Everything I've ever managed to get myself to study or practice seems optimized for this one task.

Yea, it's ridiculous, maybe I'm just sleep deprived, or maybe you're just really, really good at what you're doing.

In unrelated news: if you havn't decided on what ritual to work on next, what about some kind of UDT based unbreakable oath type thing?