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wedrifid comments on The problem with too many rational memes - Less Wrong
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Unfortunately the word 'but' can prompt almost as much defensiveness as 'you're wrong'. Replacing "but" with "and" even when it makes no sense to do so is decent social (and persusive) advice all on its own.
Absolutely true, on both counts.
I suspect that the practice of using "X, but Y" when the underlying thought is (not X and Y) has contributed to this unfortunate state of affairs by training people to understand "but" as negating whatever preceded it.
I expect "X, and Y" to suffer the same fate if it becomes popular... if people use it when they mean (not X and Y), then their audiences will eventually respond as though it means (not X and Y).
Of course, at that point they can switch to using "that said" or "and also" or "further" or "plus" or other phrases they haven't yet altered the meaning of.
A lot of this is conveyed via tone and nonverbals. There's a difference between the conventional rushed/confrontational "You're right, but" and what I've been doing, which is more like (Dark Arts ahead!):
"Good point, I think you're likely right." (thoughtful tone)
<intentional pause> (look up and to the left, furrow brow)
"Hmm." (vaguely surprised/"that's curious" tone, tilt head to the side, signal surprise via facial microexpression cues)
"I think that <my actual point> might also apply in some cases here. I can see situations where <my reasoning> would occur-- for instance, imagine if <my example> happened. In that case I think that model might explain what's happening here." (speaking slowly at first, with indecisive body language, then nodding and speaking quicker and more clearly)
<other person says something agreeing with me at least in part>
"Yeah, that's right. Now that I think about it that definitely seems like that's what's going on here." (confident/assertive)
When this works correctly, the person essentially tricks themselves into thinking that they came up with/helped develop the idea that I was trying to convince them of, which also has the useful secondary effect of making them a stauncher defender of this belief once they convert.
Note that this is dependent on situational factors and also (obviously) a Dark Arts type technique. Use sparingly.
I use pretty much this technique, though I was not really conscious of it until you mentioned it.
Cool stuff. Got any tips for improving it? I sort of lucked into this schema and have only been using it for two days or so, so I'm sure there are ways I could refine my techniques. :)
What you have is excellent. I was going to post a brief reply with a few pointers, but I am very bad at limiting myself to something that simple. What ended up happening was that I wrote a ~1000 word guide to the Dark Arts, which is a bit long for a comment.
(nods) Sure, separating the hook from the payload is another way of preventing people from noticing the connection.
"As you know,"/"You already know this, of course, but" <thing they've shown little sign of knowing but seem to have the prerequisites for>