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patrissimo comments on "Stuck In The Middle With Bruce" - Less Wrong
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I also read about some similar research on video games: when hooking machines to the brains of people playing Super Monkey Ball, they found that the biggest burst of reward was when the players died. They explained this by saying that that's when the most learning occurs.
I notice that myself when playing some games - "awesome, I just died ! I have to start over". For some games, Losing is fun.
I... honestly feel like I have no clue at all what this emotion feels like. I wonder if my brain would actually show that burst of reward.
I read the article and thought, "Hm, I have an inner name-of-loser-relative", which was a very frightening thought; but I didn't parse that in terms of enjoyment, that seemed to me like needless psychoanalysis. It was just a loser side with bad habits, probably formed mostly by hyperbolic discounting or poor impulse control. And it occurred to me that I should give this side a name and separate it out from my real me.
Now I'm wondering if the part about "enjoyment" wasn't mere psychoanalysis but something I either unusually lack, or which is unusually obscured from my sight. I know there are men who get sexual pleasure out of being kicked in the balls but I don't really know what goes on in their minds. I'm trying not to sound boastful here, but losing, generally speaking, hurts like a bastard. I can imagine other minds in which a little flash of malicious enjoyment or self-flagellation or something is tacked on, but I have no idea if that imagination is the right one.
Most poker players, even the losing ones, don't like losing, but I think it is sometimes a driver for losing players continuing to play. Sometimes it is self-hatred (vindicating the feeling that you don't deserve to win). Sometimes it is the desire to whine - to have something bad happen to you that can plausibly be blamed on someone else.
Actually, from what I have read, feeling like one doesn't deserve to succeed, and self-sabotaging, and feeling some kind of sick satisfaction when one fails, is pretty common.