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John_Maxwell_IV comments on How can people be actually converted? - Less Wrong
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Having a "line of retreat" -- feeling like the world won't end if they change their mind -- is part of it.
But the problem, here, is yet more general. A lot of people at my local meetup are people who I trust and like, and who accept the value of updating on evidence -- and even show respect for someone changing their minds! Even in discussions with these friends, I notice fear and loss when I lose a friendly argument. Admitting that you are wrong is a loss of status, even if only your interlocutor is watching. Every argument has aspects of status competition. I notice all this in myself, and I suspect that freely admitting when I'm wrong is one of my strongest rationalist abilities.
In others, it's pretty obvious. I can watch all this happen in their faces, when admitting that they're wrong requires an active force of will.
So, if we can find some setting for truth-seeking arguments without the status competition, we improve how quickly we learn from each other. If somehow we can remove the status competition from a discussion we're having with anybody, anywhere, then we remove significant barriers to communication.
I think if you program yourself thoroughly enough with the idea that you are a judge of the evidence (like Ferris in this story), instead of being a soldier, you can change your mind in an argument without status loss. As soon as you start acting just a tiny bit like a soldier, defending one position and attacking another, you are going to feel pressure to do it more and more. You want to stop the cycle before it starts. If your friend introduces some new evidence or argument you're unfamiliar with, say "that seems plausible", and adjust your degree of belief in response to the argument immediately. You don't lose status because you just weren't aware of the argument.
Another idea is to work on learning to use phrases like "that seems plausible", "I could see that", "all right, I gotcha, [restate or extend opponent's last statement here]", etc. that let you change your public position without losing status.