CronoDAS comments on My Way - Less Wrong
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Authors whose work reveals a deep enough understanding of their characters that you would say of them, "This goes beyond what I thought a man (woman) could understand of women (men)" are terribly exceeding rare. I'm not sure who the male conjugate of Jacqueline Carey might be.
She's Come Undone by the male author Wally Lamb has been praised for its utterly convincing portrayal of its female main character.
I've never read it.