(Part of this stems from my looking for an excuse to manipulate myself into learning Latin. Thus far I've used a hot Catholic chick and a perceived moral obligation to express myself incoherently—a quite potent combination.)

It sounds as if what you actually want is to be able to say you've written up your position, without anyone actually reading it.

That actually sounds a lot like me. Could be true. Yay double negative moral obligations—they force us to be coherent on a higher level, and about more important things!