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David_Gerard comments on Delayed Gratification vs. a Time-Dependent Utility Function - Less Wrong
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Humans strike me as being much more like state machines than things with utility functions (c.f. you noting your utility function changing when you actually act on it). How do you write a function for the output of a state machine?
Monads.
"What's your utility function?"
"This Haskell program."
Does the use of the word "function" in "utility function" normatively include arbitrary Turing-complete things?
I don't even know any Haskell - I just have a vague idea that a monad is a function that accepts a "state" as part of its input, and returns the same kind of "state" as part of its output. But even so, the punchline was too good to resist making.