(is it just that your model of me is good enough to notice that I was nervous as fuck about that post and had to remind myself of about this courage idea and fall back on decision theory multiple times?)

That's the way I read it. It takes a brave man to announce to a room full of valued acquaintances that he'd like a hug; non-hugging is an equilibrium with a first-mover penalty, even if it turns out to be suboptimal.