I think the philosophy bro also overstates the disagreement. I'm in a philosophy department myself, and I know of no one at the graduate student level or above who thinks there's a serious division along analytic vs. continental lines. Part of that, though, is that much of what was called continental philosophy has now become literary criticism, etc. Part of it is that what got called 'analytic philosophy' 70 years ago isn't really around any more.

This is by no means a consensus view, but I think it's a mistake to think of philosophy as something which produces results from a common theoretical basis. Philosophy can seem like a science, especially as a result of academia's way of organizing things, but a lot of it doesn't really resemble one in practice. There are trends in discussion, but philosophy has no fixed subject matter. There are schools of thought on various issues, but no unifying theoretical framework or methodology.

Now, these facts might justifiably cause you to have a low opinion of philosophy. But it's worth considering that your standards for intellectual activity are being misapplied here: maybe philosophy isn't supposed to be like a science.