If it leaves you feeling bad, you may want to avoid arguing altogether and simply lurk. When you argue online you will not change anyone's mind with the argument, ever. All your doing is planting seeds in the minds of those following along (and on rare occasions your opponent) that may, in time, bloom into an update of beliefs. I argue online simply because I consider it fun. It is recreation. If I didn't enjoy it I probably wouldn't do it.
When you argue online you will not change anyone's mind with the argument, ever.
[citation needed]
I've changed my mind arguing online, and so have plenty of others I know.
I wont be the only one here who "wastes time" arguing about things they care about online (note: I am referring to web forums and things like subreddits, I am not including Less Wrong whose dynamic is completely different). It seems like something that is worth optimising in some direction.
The theory behind it is that one should expose themselves to counter-arguments allowing their claims to be attacked so they that have a chance to substantiate them or reject them upon realising they are mistaken.
In practice they generally follow a pattern that starts with people pointing out what they believe are mistakes then ignoring or intentionally misunderstanding the other party when he refutes or backs up claims.. and ends up with insults, patronising sarcastic remarks and nobody changing their mind about anything.
I don't particularly care about changing other peoples minds to make them agree with me (well, it would be great but I think it's practically impossible) so one thing I would like is for both people to at least end up feeling good.
So I'm interested in three things: Do other LWers recognize this pattern now that I have mentioned it? What decision did those that were already aware of it make, in order to optimise this activity?