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TheOtherDave comments on How can I argue without people online and not come out feeling bad? - Less Wrong
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Is the chagrin necessary? Not doing things because you know they make people think you are being a prat and so you anticipate a negative response is a good thing. Others benefit, you benefit. If I notice myself adapting to circumstance like that I reward myself, I don't feel guilt or shame.
Necessary, no. But I am in fact chagrined.
I seem to have internalized the idea that I ought to choose a course of action primarily for nonsocial reasons.
Which I don't endorse.
I know the feeling. Well, I knew the feeling until I beat it to death with a large stick over the course of a decade.