That's a perceptive comment, so thank you. The exposition dump is something I'd already flagged in my own head as a potential problem -- it's part of what I meant by "sausage making," as that's exactly the kind of thing that will get smoothed out in a second draft.
The action does pick up by the end of the chapter (the first raygun shows up on page 8) but hearing from readers exactly where the exposition starts to get wearisome is quite valuable, so thank you again.
Are you interested in reading more?
sure
This community has a recurring interest in "rationalist fiction," and several members who are writers. I wonder if it would be useful to create a space where Less Wrong members could provide each other constructive criticism and encouragement on in-progress original writing projects?
Disclosure: I'm working on a sci-fi novel right now, and my regular circle of "beta readers" are fantasy fans and aren't providing much feedback on the new project. I am much, much more productive as a writer when I get steady feedback, so I have a personal interest in looking for something like this. Less Wrong came to mind as a community of intelligent, creative, forward-looking types who are likely to enjoy sci-fi.