To both points: this thing is done to victims (in this case gay Mormons & family) by people with great emotional leverage over them - friends, family, clerics - and not just random disapproving strangers. Have your family ever guilt-tripped you? If it did, you'd surely agree that it's emotional torture, when people you care about are pulling at your heartstrings until you "change".
From the final chapter of his new book Cowards, titled "Adapt or Die: The Coming Intelligence Explosion."
The citations for the chapter include: