You're focusing on a special case here, but I find the general case a useful one to consider: some person P reports that some action A harms them, where I do not consider A harmful. As you say, I can't know what underlies that report. Maybe P is more vulnerable to A than I am, maybe P is lying to gain unfair advantage, maybe P isn't as aware of what actually harms them as I am, maybe I'm not as aware of what actually harms P as P is. All I know is the report itself.

What do you do in that case? P doesn't have to be a woman; that's just a special case. For example, suppose I report that I am terribly allergic to strawberries, and on that basis I want you not to serve me strawberries. Or suppose I report that behaving as though all men are exclusively attracted to women diminishes my status in our community, and on that basis I want you not to behave that way. Or suppose I report that God doesn't want me to eat pork, and on that basis I want you not to serve me pork.

What do you do?

The heuristic I generally use goes something like this...

First, I attend to the evidence I'm being given and see if my belief about the harmfulness of A changes. E.g., I ask myself "Now that he's reported that he's allergic to strawberries, do I believe that he's allergic to strawberries?" or "Now that he's reported that heteronormativity diminishes his social status, do I believe that heteronormativity diminishes his social status?" or "Now that he's reported that God doesn't want him to eat pork, do I believe that God doesn't want him to eat pork?"

Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't.

When it does, I either don't do A to P, or if I do, I do so in the awareness that I'm harming P.

When it doesn't, I ask myself whether refraining from A does any harm.
If it doesn't, I generally refrain from A.

A common form of harm in this case is that not being subject to A seems likely to give P an unfair advantage over other people (including me). In that case, I generally try to avoid subjecting anyone to A, which eliminates the advantage.

Another common form of harm is that eliminating A from my behavior, either with respect to P or more generally, puts me or people I care about at a significant disadvantage. In that case I generally go on performing A.

There are other possibilities, but those cover most cases in my life.