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Dustin comments on On the Care and Feeding of Young Rationalists -- Revisited[Draft] [Request for Feedback] - Less Wrong
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This actually brought tears to my eyes.
As I've mentioned in other comments here at LW, I'm a "closet atheist" in a fundamentalist (Jehovah's Witnesses) family that will shun me if they knew. I also have a 2 year old daughter. I spend large parts of my waking hours considering questions like:
"If I just come out and tell my wife and family that I'm an atheist and that I think they're wasting my life, will I increase my chances or decrease my chances of preventing my daughter from being indoctrinated?"
It causes me so much anguish when I hear my daughter say something about god, or when I hear her grandparents explain to her something in nature as "god did it".
Oh. :( You are in a bad situation. Three years ago it would be so easier to fix it.
I guess your chances depend on personality of your wife, and the relationship between you two. Though your wife will be under pressure from others. The worst case: she decides to leave you, and you pretty much never see her or your daughter again. (Actually, the really worst case is the same thing happening later, with two or more children.)
Are there other options besides submission and open confrontation? For example passive resistance: you remain a JW, but a very lazy one. But maybe you are already doing it.
I would recommend to teach your daughter about nature. Or just teach her to think; doing maths is better than thinking about angels. Show her there is an interesting world out there. Don't oppose the religion openly, but don't support it either. Support her in being a lazy JW; to do what must be done to keep others happy, but not take it seriously.
If possible, it could be strategic to somehow increase the geographical distance between you and the most influential JWs. For example if there is a good job opportunity.
Also, show many interesting (not openly atheist) things to your wife. Whatever; even if you both learn programming, then you have another topic to talk about which does not include religion, and which she shares with you but not with the rest of the cult. (Generally, instead of opposing religion, just focus on the rest of the world.)
Yeah, prior to having a kid, I was content to just live my life as a lazy JW, but my attitude changed more than I predicted it would after having a child.
I've been on the lazy JW route for years, and most days it's what I think is the least bad choice before me. The issue arises on days where I hear others talking to my daughter about god and whatnot and hearing her parrot back those types of things. It's very difficult to hear.
But anyway, yes, you give some good advice. Sometimes it's just nice to commiserate.