This post is not close enough to good-and-on-topic that a plan can be outlined to make it that way. It would be like trying to produce an outline of how to make a good LW post in full generality.

The primary thing that would improve this piece would be to post it on your own blog instead of here.

ETA: I see from another comment that it was. Well, this answers the question someone had of why so many LWers have their own blogs instead of posting all their rationality stuff here. Some things just work better as personal blog posts, even if they do otherwise fit the mission of LW.

Maybe make sure the first three sentences, and the title, actually tell the reader what the post is about?

Cat or Rabbit

First go at this went terrible, but best to revise.

This is a post containing dark arts. It is an entirely irrational emotional appeal as to why rationality is a better way to be.

... admittedly that last sentence kinda says what the post is about, but it's a bit vague. And the first two sentences don't bring anything at all, and don't catch the reader's attention either.