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sketerpot comments on Useful maxims - Less Wrong
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This works for romance/sex, too. Have a hard wall on how far you'll go, and only move it when you're alone and calm. When you're in the heat of the moment, keep in mind that you can move it when you're alone and calm. You can even intend to do so -- and if when the time comes, you still think so, there you go.
Having that pressure release helps actually stay within the bounds you set. Otherwise it requires a great dal more patience.
this seems like a rule for permanently stifling the unadventurous.
Not necessarily! If you work out ahead of time what your reasonable limits are, this can serve as mental license to stop worrying and go right up to those limits -- and no one said you had to set them cautiously.
This has been one of my most effective tricks for having fun doing things that are kind of scary.