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Luke_A_Somers comments on Useful maxims - Less Wrong
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This works for romance/sex, too. Have a hard wall on how far you'll go, and only move it when you're alone and calm. When you're in the heat of the moment, keep in mind that you can move it when you're alone and calm. You can even intend to do so -- and if when the time comes, you still think so, there you go.
Having that pressure release helps actually stay within the bounds you set. Otherwise it requires a great dal more patience.
This would severely interfere with most people's ability to comfortably maintain hypocritical inconsistent ideals. Not recommended.
Please elaborate.
wedrifid excuses his lax morals by claiming that others act like him but pretend not to want to.
For most people their instincts have far better judgement than whatever abstract ideas they have floating around in their head. It takes a lot of self awareness and rational thinking for "far mode" thinking to be as useful as "near mode" when it comes to actual behaviors.
This somewhat makes sense to me. Note that I still think consent is extremely important; it's a terrible idea to e.g. sleep with someone who has never let themselves think in far mode that they want sex, but who would probably like it if they had it - way too risky. But if one knows that a person wants, in far mode, to get laid, I think it's generally okay to push the idea onto them in near mode.
ETA: I'm not disagreeing with OP, just pointing out that for some people, near-mode doesn't impel them to go further, it impels them to hold back.