I was massively inspired by this essay, specifically:

The most fundamental freedom is the freedom to do nothing. But when you get this freedom, after many years of activities that were forced, nothing is all you want to do. You might start projects that seem like the kind of thing you're supposed to love doing, music or writing or art, and not finish because nobody is forcing you to finish and it's not really what you want to do. It could take months, if you're lucky, or more likely years, before you can build up the life inside you to an intensity where it can drive projects that you actually enjoy and finish, and then it will take more time before you build up enough skill that other people recognize your actions as valuable.

It sort of reminds me of how succession works in forests -- the operative part of concept being incredibly vast amounts of time.

Basically, I bought into a folk wisdom about motivation that is very, very difficult to falsify. One thing I've learned for sure: being alone most of the time may have been important in the beginning, but now it's only a liability.

Thanks! Originals? Covers? Can I crash on the couch in your mansion for months and months while we "work on music?"

my hypothetical rationalist rock band

Who else would be in it?

Thanks. Yeah, I'm keeping that in mind. I just feel like I'm a weird limbo because I don't fit with the artsy folks or the sciencey folks.

Anytime! I'm happy to share my bewilderment. As of now I do not have a plan apart from waiting until inaction becomes so painful that I act out of sheer desperation. But, because this is LW, I suppose I'll try some empiricism.

I think it's reasonable to assume that I could combine distance teaching via Skype with in-person lessons for a minimum of 5 students/week at $40/lesson. It's also safe to assume that my current part-time bussing gig, which nets me about $700/month, is transferable. So that's a safe-ish bet of ~$1500/month to work with. What will my cost of living be?

The locations I’m considering are NYC, Berkeley, and Northampton, MA.

Monthly expenses, mostly irrespective of location:

• Food: At least $40/week for groceries, plus another solid $30 for meals out. It’s likely I won’t spend that much, but I might as well plan for it. I've tried my entire adult life to restrict my restaurant habit. Doesn’t work unless it’s harder for me to physically get to restaurants than it is to go to grocery store and make food at home.

• Cellphone: I don't really want one, but my friends will get annoyed if I go without. Let's say ~$50 for a minimal plan. I may be able to get this down further if I get on somebody's "family" plan.

• Transportation: I prefer to bike or walk most places, but in NYC busyness and inclement weather often get in the way, so subtract at least another $50 (if I live elsewhere, this subtraction covers sundries).

• Stuff: At least $100. The price of socializing, etc. In NYC this is a lowball figure. I’m guessing that’s true of the Bay as well.

• Utilities: I’m honestly not sure. I’ll say $50 and let the stuff/sundries cushion cover any extra.

So that’s a rounded-up maximum of $550/month in non-rent expenses. What are expected rents?

• NYC: $650 if I watch Craigslist like a hawk.

• Berkeley: So far, the rationalist group homes I’ve read about have been throwing around figures of $700-800. I’d shoot for the low end.

• Northampton: $550 will likely net me a place close to the center of town.

So I’m looking at monthly living expenses of $1200 in NYC, $1250 in Berkeley, and $1100 in Northampton. Which means I realistically only accrue savings if I live in Northampton or get a different job or more students. At the moment, Noho is the top contender, but let’s look at some other concerns.

Will I be able to practice and teach drums in my living space?

• NYC: I probably have an “in” at my ex-band’s rehearsal space in WIlliamsburg. I’m pretty bad at operating in far mode, though -- historically, having to trek across town has killed my desire to practice. Teaching on a practice pad will probably be acceptable in a ground floor apartment, but basement access, etc, is less likely.

• Berkeley: A houseful of rationalists would work with me to help me achieve my aims. And if we’re picking the house as a group, then my need for drumming/teaching space will be accounted for.

• Northampton: A laid-back, artsy culture means that in-home drumming is probably ok, but passive-aggressive griping may follow. I can work around it.

Is daily life stressful? I don't thrive on stress, like, at all.

• NYC: Legendarily. Noise, bad smells, zero solitude, a half hour train ride to grass and trees.

• Berkeley: I’ve only visited -- many years ago -- but aside from scrambling to make ends meet, daily life seems pretty chill. Famous for forgiving weather.

• Northampton: Unstressful to the point of stagnation. Lots of green space and quiet.

NYC is falling behind, leaving the contest to Berk and Noho. But that’s just the Stark Realities round. Dark horses can surprise you in the What The Fuck Am I Doing With My Life round. Coming soon!

I still have my health, more or less? Ask me again in five years.