A rationalist My Little Pony fanfic

DataPacRat

For the past two months, I've been writing, and posting, roughly two thousand words a day of "Myou've Gotta be Kidding Me", a story set in a "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" fanfic universe, "Chess Game of the Gods". Outside of the sheer NaNoWriMo-like exercise of pushing out near-daily chapters, I've also been trying to keep in mind the various principles I've learned from Yudkowsky and LessWrong, and to try to present them in a way that people who like reading MLP fanfics might be able to appreciate.

I've just come to something of a minor climax with chapter 60, and while I'll definitely be continuing the story, this seems like a good time to mention it here, for whatever feedback and constructive criticism anyone cares to offer.

Ch2-7:

ruminating on the downsides of being a female cow would seem to be a good lesson in empathy for human females, but the point seems to be lost on her.
the Queen gives in quite quickly. Even in Equestria, surely there are many scammers and leeches and deluded people that a simple Pascal's wager wouldn't work.
Stealing from MoR? really? Most of the passage too?! Again, jumping to those specific bits are not what a non-LWer rationalist would do; instead, they'd point out something about perpetual motion or bombs. Don't bring up time travel unless your character can actually say clearly how it would lead to time travel! (Grr, it's not deducing if the character can't even explain it, as I bet you can't.) I note with disapproval the blatant theft in chapter 13 as well.
Would the character really expect the queen to know a word like 'sapience'? I expect even most LWers would get it wrong and confuse it with 'sentience'.
Hilarious udder joke. But I'm surprised any cow would be that flexible...
'consultat'
'Luna looked pained, and looked away from us both, which was answer enough', isn't this obviously an answer to her previous question about where she is in the timeline?
'the deliberate act of some powerful being' and where did this all of a sudden come from? Did perhaps the queens just listen to her story and were all like 'oh yeah, I know what explains this, a powerful magical being!' and she wasn't all 'that's stupid and as bad an explanation as "magic" on a blank map'?
Enjoyed the rhyming, although I have no idea what that was all about.

Ch15:

"... I ripped the tag off of a mattress. How about you?" You know that it's perfectly legal for the end-consumer to do that, right? Or is that the joke?

Not sure if I'm interested enough to keep reading, but at least it's not a terrible fic.

the Queen gives in quite quickly. Even in Equestria, surely there are many 
scammers and leeches and deluded people that a simple Pascal's wager wouldn't work.

The royals in this setting have been shown in other stories to be, generally, about as practical as characters in a cartoon aimed at children tend to be - eg, holding onto letters from a pirate until a bunch have been collected, to read them all at once, instead of as they come in. That said, they are also known to have powerful magic - including, as a significant factor in this story, several for... (read more)

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A rationalist My Little Pony fanfic

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A rationalist My Little Pony fanfic

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