Oh, I remember that one. It was setting off my LW sense even before you got to the bit with the dragon. I'll try to take a look at the second version later tonight, unless the original reviewer or someone else does it first.
Can you link me some of those anti-death stories you're thinking of? I've seen quite a few about ponies coping with death, but aside from yours, I don't know of any that engage with the idea of overcoming death as a whole. I'd be interested to see what people have written on the subject.
Sorry; did not see this reply until now. That was a typo; I meant pro-death stories.
For the past two months, I've been writing, and posting, roughly two thousand words a day of "Myou've Gotta be Kidding Me", a story set in a "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" fanfic universe, "Chess Game of the Gods". Outside of the sheer NaNoWriMo-like exercise of pushing out near-daily chapters, I've also been trying to keep in mind the various principles I've learned from Yudkowsky and LessWrong, and to try to present them in a way that people who like reading MLP fanfics might be able to appreciate.
I've just come to something of a minor climax with chapter 60, and while I'll definitely be continuing the story, this seems like a good time to mention it here, for whatever feedback and constructive criticism anyone cares to offer.