Another thought about that ending, actually: the employees can force Celestia to tell the truth, but surely they have other powers like giving orders? Do they retain the powers when uploaded? They're mentally the same person after all, and it wouldn't make sense for Celestia to try to optimize then if she's killing them when uploading. Easier to just make more NPC ponies, if that counts.
If they retain such powers, then they represent the single greatest threat to Celestia after the Rapture, and we might expect more modification. For example, Celestia might steer Lars into not just accepting being a pony - but forgetting about his human life (including his dangerous status as an employee). And was Hanna originally a lesbian? But now she really loves her little alicorn...
Also, the ordering of chapters was kind of odd. I'd put the 'celestial' view point at the very end, for example.
I liked the chapter ordering once I figured it out. It's another way to balance between "sinister" and "happy ponies" more evenly. "Aaaah she's eating the universe!... Oh right, people live in that all-devouring computronium."
[EDIT, Nov 14th: And it's posted. New discussion about release. Link to Friendship is Optimal.]
[EDIT, Nov 13th: I've submitted to FIMFiction, and will update with a link to its permanent home if it passes moderation. I have also removed the docs link and will make the document private once it goes live.]
Over the last year, I’ve spent a lot of my free time writing a semi-rationalist My Little Pony fanfic. Whenever I’ve mentioned this side project, I’ve received requests to alpha the story.
I present, as an open beta: Friendship is Optimal. Please do not spread that link outside of LessWrong; Google Docs is not its permanent home. I intend to put it up on fanfiction.net and submit it to Equestria Daily after incorporating any feedback. The story is complete, and I believe I've caught the majority of typographical and grammatical problems. (Though if you find some, comments are open on the doc itself.) Given the subject matter, I’m asking for the LessWrong community’s help in spotting any major logical flaws or other storytelling problems.
Cover jacket text:
Hanna, the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO. She had better hurry; a US military contractor is developing weapons based on her artificial intelligence technology, which just may destroy the world. Hana has built an A.I. Princess Celestia and given her one basic drive: to satisfy values through friendship and ponies. What will Princess Celestia do when she’s let loose upon the world, following the drives Hanna has given her?
Special thanks to my roommate (who did extensive editing and was invaluable in noticing attempts by me to anthropomorphize an AI), and to Vaniver, who along with my roommate, convinced me to delete what was just a flat out bad chapter.