This is fascinating. I agree that it's safer for a girl to act shy, awkward, and insecure, especially when first meeting people, and that agressive, competitive behavior is frowned upon. However, I feel like there's a happy medium between these two poles. Is it possible for a girl to be confident, forthright, and assertive, while remaining respectful and cooperative? That is the ideal towards which I strive.

Actually, I'm quite meta-self-conscious about my lack of self-consciousness. I'm neither shy nor insecure, and I worry that I'm violating some unspoken social rule of girlhood with my excessive self-esteem. For instance, I've had multiple exchanges of the following variety with male friends:

Him: You're very pretty.

Me: Thank you.

Him: What? You're not going to argue with me? But all girls deny that they're pretty.

I refuse to submit myself to this cultural meme of denying that I'm pretty. First of all, when a guy says "you're very pretty", I interpret it to mean "I find you very pretty", and who am I to argue with his perceptions? Secondly, many of my male friends have complimented my appearance, and I'm too much of an empiricist to deny that I'm pretty in light of so much evidence to the contrary. Lastly, were I to deny my prettiness, I would be subjected to a long stream of compliments, all of which I'd have to refuse. "I'm not pretty." "Yes you are. You have such nice <X>." "No I don't." "You do, and your <Y> is beautiful too." I despise this kind of feelgoodism and refuse to fish for compliments.

Compared to... well, all the girls I know IRL, I guess... I have excessively high self-esteem. I used to read Roissy regularly, which made me terrified that my confidence was unwarranted and I would never find a mate on account of it. After realizing how much that blog had affected my behaviors, I stopped reading it, but still I worry that my confidence is offputting to potential friends and mates.

When it comes down to it, though, I'll keep my self-confidence. I strive to base my self-esteem on purely internal measurements like the progress I've made towards my goals, not on external measurements like what my friends think. I don't want to rely on their validation for my self-worth, and I don't want to be crushed by rejection when it occurs. I don't want to put my self-esteem at the mercy of society's judgments. And that's why I refuse to play this insecurity game that society has thrust upon girls. If people dislike me and potential mates me reject me on account of this, so be it; my self-esteem doesn't rest on their acceptance or rejection anyway.