I eventually gave up on it and switched back to PHP even though every part of me wanted to use it.
I think the problem is that you wanted to use it without asking if it was the proper tool for whatever task you had. PHP and Lisp have very different purposes.
The problem I have is that I am a self taught programmer with a keen interest in computer science but find that living in "computer science land" takes away from my ability to get real work done and pay the bills. I wish it wasn't the case. To my credit though, my PHP code has become a lot more elegant as I am able to take the CS concepts I have learned and apply them to my day to day work.
I find it interesting that you admit to no formal training but are making blanket statements about an entire field. With all arrogance available to me, I claim that I am a good "computer scientist" and "programmer" under your definitions. As far as I can tell, they go hand in hand. When I get better at one I get better at the other.
If I had to make a semantic distinction, programmers are a subset of computer scientists.
I talk to many ABDs in math, physics, engineering, economics, and various other technical fields.
I work with exceptional people from all those backgrounds.
I would like to unreservedly say to any collegians out there, whether choosing an undergrad major or considering fields of study for grad school: if you know you want a technical major but you're not sure which, choose Computer Science.
Unless you're extremely talented and motivated, relative to your extremely talented and motivated peers, you probably aren't going to make a career in academia even if you want to. And if you want a technical major but you're not sure which, you shouldn't want to! Academia is a huge drag in many ways. When a math ABD starts telling me about how she really likes her work but is sick of the slow pace and the fact that only six people in the world understand her work, I get to take a nice minute alone with my thoughts: I've heard it over and over again, in the same words and the same weary, beaten-down tone. You shouldn't be considering a career in academia unless you're passionately in love with your field, unless you think about it in the shower and over lunch and as you drift off to sleep, unless the problem sets are a weekly joy. A lesser love will abandon you and leave you stranded and heartbroken, four years into grad school.
What's so great about CS, then? Isn't it just a bunch of glorified not-real-math and hundreds of hours of grimy debugging?
Let's start with several significant, but peripheral, reasons:
None of that gets to my real point, which is the modes of thought that CS majors build. Working with intransigent computer code for years upon years, the smart ones learn a deeply careful, modular, and reductionist mindset that transfers shockingly well to all kinds of systems-oriented thinking--
And most significantly to building and understanding human systems. The questions they learn to ask about a codebase--"What invariants must this process satisfy? What's the cleanest way to organize this structure? How should these subsystems work together?"--are incredibly powerful when applied to a complex human process. If I needed a CEO for my enterprise, not just my software company but my airline, my automaker, my restaurant chain, I would start by looking for candidates with a CS background.
You can see some of this relevance in the multitude of analogies CS people are able to apply to non-CS areas. When's the last time you heard a math person refer to some real-world situation as "a real elliptic curve"? The CS people I know have a rich vocabulary of cached concepts that address real-world situations: race conditions, interrupts, stacks, queues, bandwidth, latency, and many more that go over my head, because...
I didn't major in CS. I saw it as too "applied," and went for more "elevated" areas. I grew intellectually through that study, but I've upped my practical effectiveness enormously in the last few years by working with great CS people and absorbing all I can of their mindset.