Oh wow, that's what I deserve for offering advice where I don't have all the facts. Given this new information, I am dramatically re-estimating the nosy utility estimate that I have formed on your behalf. You were right, keeping a public diary does sound like it will be worth it, since trusted community input will hopefully help with your emotional compass problem. Just remember that people on the internet will be prone to making the same sort of stupid errors I made in my last post. We also like to argue all the time, so I guess watch out for that and accommodate for it.

TL;DR, sorry for giving bad advice based on insufficient evidence. Good luck, Ialdabaoth, raise that candle in the dark.