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Oligopsony comments on Rationality Quotes November 2012 - Less Wrong
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"I have the same height as the Empire State Building, I just don't tower as many feet from the ground."
Interpreting Carlin charitably, he is talking about moral or rational authority, not about authority in the sense of power over others.
What's "rational authority"?
'Rational authority' is the reason why, e.g., if you care about the election outcome, you are more interested in Nate Silver's opinion than a taxi driver's.
Oh, I see. Good point.
The first entry Google gives me for authority is "the power or right to give orders", which is presented as a single definition but which is clearly two very different concepts lumped together. Carlin's quote and your parody each seem to be focusing on only one or the other half of that definition, but he does so in a way intended to highlight the distinction whereas you seem to be doing so in a way which hides it.