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moridinamael comments on Less Wrong Parents - Less Wrong
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It is generally well known that the eager new parents tend to overthink everything and overdo everything they can think of (stroller type? formula vs breast milk? daycare amenities? nursery wall color?). As mentioned in the discussion and in the quoted book, there is only so much a parent can do to affect the way their offspring grow up. It turns out that optimal parenting is not that hard. Provide a happy, supportive and occasionally challenging environment, make time to enjoy the little ones and don't sweat the minutiae. If you find parenting not fun, you are doing it wrong.
EDIT: I'm somewhat surprised by the strong silent downvote to below the troll threshold. And now that it is so low, people won't even bother spending karma on explaining it.
EDIT2: hmm, I didn't mean to whine, guys, but I'm happy that this comment is above the troll level again.
The last time this book was discussed on LessWrong there seemed to be a large mindkilling effect, and the same thing appears to be happening now.
I suggest that the reason for this emotional reaction is that there are at least two different ways of pattern-matching the result that "parents don't affect life outcomes," one of which is obviously true and one of which is obviously false, in other words it is a deepity.
Of course parents can't change their child's IQ or height.
On the other hand, of course parents can change the experiences their child absorbs, which make up the substance of life and provide the basis for learning new things, understanding the world, and finding a place within it.
In one reading, things like the color of the baby's room are irrelevant minutiae.
In a different reading, the color of the baby's room is part of the fabric of her life and will be involved in her first memories. To call this minutiae feels reductive.
The useful takeaway message is that we shouldn't feel anxiety about the types of things that modern advertising is trying to convince us are important, but I would suggest that we shouldn't be feeling anxiety about our babies anyway and anxiety should be addressed as its own separate issue.
If I understand correctly, there's a maximum height and a maximum IQ your genes allow you to achieve, but whether you actually achieve them depends on nutrition.