Several Internet people have reported that if someone doesn't tell you "My family is horribly fucked up and I spent most of my childhood in excruciating suffering of some kind, and if I tried to tell my parents about it they called me mean names" it means you don't know them well enough yet. I have no idea how to fix that, but it seems worth keeping in mind, and perhaps increasing the weight of "my kid is sincerely hurt by things I consider trivial" relative to "my kid is a selfish whiny attention whore with no sense of proportion", even if the latter turns out to be true of kids in general.