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ewbrownv comments on LW Women- Minimizing the Inferential Distance - Less Wrong
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Yes, well... I don't agree with your point!
Some empirical statements, orthogonal to truth or falsity, are offensive. Virtually any claim can be made in an inappropriate way even if it's not intrinsically problematic (if someone shouted the multiplication tables at the top of their lungs in a public space for an hour, I might not use the word "offended" to describe my reaction, but I would sure want it to stop). Some claims can be made in a normal tone of voice during a conversation between consenting conversational partners and still be offensive. Many insults are empirical in nature. Slander/libel is generally empirical, although it's false if it can be described by those words. "I fucked your mom" is a claim about reality, true or false though it may be in any given instance; most people will be offended by it and they aren't wrong.
The particular statement under evaluation here is problematic for the reasons I outlined. Even if the statement is true and its content is appropriate - even if we assume that the man's daughter wants to grow up and marry a man and is perhaps actively soliciting advice about how to appeal to a wider pool of suitors - then he owed it to her to be gentler, less judgmental, and less endorsing of the stereotypical pattern about which he was trying to communicate information. Maybe "Well, a whole lot of men value domestic ability in a prospective wife - cooking, cleaning, that sort of thing." Same information, less harmful baggage.
So.... your claim is that anyone discussing potentially unpleasant or offensive topics with a woman should take special care to be extra gentle in their delivery, include lots of sympathy and understanding, that sort of thing?
'Extra', of course, being in comparison to what they'd say when having a similar discussion with a man?
Gee, what happened to that whole equality thing?
Generalize that to "if you're discussing a topic with people likely to perceive themselves as victimized by factors related to that topic, it behooves you to be careful with your presentation" and it looks a lot less sexist.
That sounds imminently reasonable, and it might even have worked before the rise of victimization politics. But as anyone who has seriously tried to have this type of discussion before should know, these days it's self-defeating. Almost all of the women who find a statement like the one mentioned offensive will be equally offended no matter how gently you phrase your observations, because it isn't your tone that they object to. Rather, any instance of a male disagreeing with the prevailing world view on gender relations is automatically considered offensive. So if you seriously try to adopt a policy of causing no offense, you'll quickly discover that the only way to do so is to remain silent.
I don't, BTW, claim that this is a gender-specific issue. Anyone who is a member of an allegedly privileged group is likely to encounter the same problem discussing a politically charged issue with members of an allegedly oppressed group. The mere fact that you're accused of being an 'oppressor' is enough to render anything you say offensive to those who consider themselves victims, and the only escape is to abjectly surrender and go around castigating yourself for whatever crimes you've been accused of.
So given this catch-22, my response is to tell the perpetually offended to grow up. Other people are entitled to disagree with you, they are entitled to express their opinions, and you do not have the right to shut them up by throwing a fit about it. If you find yourself unable to cope with frank, occasionally abrasive discussion you're free to avoid it in any number of ways. But demanding that everyone else censor themselves to avoid offending your delicate sensibilities is not acceptable in a free society.
This claim does not appear in the post you responded to. There is in fact no gendered language except with reference to a previously-established example (and a brief additional example in which the genders of the interlocutors are not stated).