Paamayim comments on LW Women Entries- Creepiness - Less Wrong

7 [deleted] 28 April 2013 03:43PM

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Comment author: Qiaochu_Yuan 28 April 2013 08:21:24PM 28 points [-]

Generally agree that this is important to keep in mind, but:

Asking for a number instead of offering yours. If I want to call you, I will, but when you ask for my number, I can't stop you calling or harassing me in the future.

It's possible my model is just mistaken here, but my understanding is that people generally expect (straight) men to ask for numbers and (straight) women to offer numbers, and deviating from this script on the male side is low-status. Something like "I can't be bothered to take the next step here, so you do it." Or maybe "I'm not confident enough to ask for your number, so I'll give you mine instead and hope for the best." Agree with the other commenters that offering fake numbers is an option.

Comment author: Paamayim 03 May 2013 04:23:31AM 5 points [-]

There is something to be said about being confident enough that you don't follow the social script. Like seemingly most things in dating, the strategy doesn't matter very much - it's all about the way you portray yourself.

After a friend recommended giving women my number, I have completely stopped asking for theirs. With n=~10, only one has declined saying that it was my responsiblity to take hers. The others all seemed delighted that I was different, and willing to give them more of the direct power whether or not they'd like to see me again.

My general advice in this department would to be to completely forget that there is a script and simply experiment to see what works for you.

Comment author: wedrifid 03 May 2013 04:30:36AM 4 points [-]

After a friend recommended giving women my number, I have completely stopped asking for theirs. With n=~10, only one has declined saying that it was my responsiblity to take hers. The others all seemed delighted that I was different, and willing to give them more of the direct power whether or not they'd like to see me again.

How many called you?

Comment author: Paamayim 03 May 2013 04:55:30AM *  5 points [-]

Three.

Edit: Interestingly, the woman who insisted I take her number was positively disintersted when I did call.

Comment author: Viliam_Bur 03 May 2013 07:36:37AM 4 points [-]

Seems like she was interested in rejecting you, and created for herself an opportunity to do it twice.

Different people optimize for different things.

Comment author: NancyLebovitz 04 May 2013 06:52:30PM 5 points [-]

Or she was trying to Enforce a Rule, regardless of whether she wanted Paamayim's company. Some people just aren't consequentialists.