I really don't alieve in god usually. When I have a close call, my response is usually laughter and relief rather than gratitude. I thought I was I danger, but I wasn't...I don't know. There is something hilariously funny about that dissonance between expectation and reality. I'm not a big risk taker or thrill seeker either, so it's not only the adrenaline.
I think the closest I've gotten to alieving in god is when I was sad and a friend told me to try praying. I tried it, and sort of felt a little better for a few minutes...but it wasn't the same as the feeling of wonder I get when I contemplate the relationship between myself and the rest of the universe. I guess for me, in order to get that "religous" high, I've got to believe and alieve the concept of worship simultaneously. And that kind if thought requires eliminating anthropomorphic tendencies, not creating them.
The other time I was close to alieving in anthropomorphic things is while laying In the grass in the sun. I felt gratitude towards the ground I lay on...i felt like i was hugging a person. and the sunlight and wind, I felt like they were acting for my benefit..even though I knew they weren't people.
When something bad is about to happen, I generally visualize it happening. I can't imaging the emotional roller coaster of praying for something to be okay and then it turns out not okay. Although...I guess I do hope sometimes, kind of like how you roll dice in a special way or blow on them or something, as if by paying close attention you could will them into having a certain outcome. That's sort if the same thing as "please let everything be okay" if you boil it to the basic, nonverbal sentiment. But pleading to a person feels very different from blowing on dice, subjectively.
Well, I used to think that I do not believe in anything supernatural that affects what happens to me, but I'm wondering if maybe I actually do alieve in it. For example, a few days ago I had a close call in traffic, and when a collision I fully expected to happen just a second prior did not transpire, I mentally thanked... whom? I definitely had a clear feeling of gratitude for escaping, and I don't normally mean it literally when I say "Thank God!". So, who or what did I feel thankful to? I've never been religious, and I got rid of most of my superstitions over the years, but apparently there is still something there, and I do not know how to react to this knowledge.
What would be the proper reaction after a close call? Shrug and say "got lucky this time, should be more cautious next time"? What about when waiting for a diagnosis, what does sort-of-praying "please, please, let everything be OK" say about one's true beliefs? I know that I am much better at not blaming the world when something bad happens to me by chance than at not thanking the world when something good happens. Should it not be symmetric? Which part of a normally non-religious person wakes up and asserts itself in a crisis situation out of their control? Should it be embraced, suppressed, worked on?