"Gratitude reflex" is a perfect name for a feeling I had during an extremely stressful, extremely intense experience related to my daughter (now, thankfully, alive and healthy). I’ll spare the details, but let me just say that there was a risk of an incurable genetic disorder involved and I was powerless to change the outcome. It was, without any doubt, the emotional peak of my life to date. It lasted about six months, and it almost crushed me.
I never was a theist before, but during that period I noticed that I was sliding into some form of theism. There clearly was a feeling that I badly needed someone or something to be grateful to, should things turn out well. To make the matters worse, I was going through a huge, 2-year long update towards strict naturalism, so I knew that there’s nothing in the universe that could respond to my pleas for help and promises of my future gratitude and loyalty in the event of a positive outcome. Despite knowing that, I had experiences that a theist would describe as religious or spiritual.
During my recovery, there was another emotion in addition to the “gratitude reflex”. After the situation has resolved positively, my naturalistic worldiview was gaining its strength back and I felt guilty for it, guilty for not being thankful, guilty for denying the existence of someone or something who arranged the chromosomes correctly.
A generalization from one example, if I may: people who are powerless to change the outcome of extremely stressful situations they experience may feel a need to be thankful to someone or something beyond the natural world; and after a positive outcome they may feel guilty for not being thankful for the resolution, which may keep them locked into non-naturalistic worldviews.
Well, I used to think that I do not believe in anything supernatural that affects what happens to me, but I'm wondering if maybe I actually do alieve in it. For example, a few days ago I had a close call in traffic, and when a collision I fully expected to happen just a second prior did not transpire, I mentally thanked... whom? I definitely had a clear feeling of gratitude for escaping, and I don't normally mean it literally when I say "Thank God!". So, who or what did I feel thankful to? I've never been religious, and I got rid of most of my superstitions over the years, but apparently there is still something there, and I do not know how to react to this knowledge.
What would be the proper reaction after a close call? Shrug and say "got lucky this time, should be more cautious next time"? What about when waiting for a diagnosis, what does sort-of-praying "please, please, let everything be OK" say about one's true beliefs? I know that I am much better at not blaming the world when something bad happens to me by chance than at not thanking the world when something good happens. Should it not be symmetric? Which part of a normally non-religious person wakes up and asserts itself in a crisis situation out of their control? Should it be embraced, suppressed, worked on?