- Sister Y's The Right to Marry
- A Really, Really, Really Long Post About Gay Marriage That Does Not, In The End, Support One Side Or The Other also recommended by CharlieSheen
Why does state recognition of marriage matter so much to people?
Sure, there are some benefits, the most important of which in my mind is joint custody of children (which is also a good justification of state involvement in marriage), but it appears to matter a lot more than the state involvement justifies.
Why do gays wait for state recognition? Why don't they just hold a wedding and call themselves married, without state recognition or even a private contract? The only time I've ever heard of this is Colin Turnbull.
Supposedly, when the Renhe government policies produced incentives to be legally single, almost all of the married couples got fake divorces, planning on remarrying, but most them turned into real divorces. Searching for that story, I found a lot of similar stories across China in the past couple of years (Renhe was 2006). Actually, most of them involved not getting formally divorced, but acquiring a forged divorce certificate. That's probably safer for the marriage.
I can think of two big indirect benefits here. The first is perceived social legitimacy, which I don't think I need to elaborate much on: government recognition of a form of marriage implies formalized social approval of that type of relationship; "husband" and "wife" carry powerful private associations beyond "long-term girlfriend/boyfriend"; and in most modern societies the state's entangled enough with the institution of marriage that I'd expect a purely private claim to marriage status to feel like a cheat to many people....