I would argue that what you describe is a negative property of the groups you hang out with
I wouldn't disagree with you. That doesn't mean it's worth the effort to try and change their behavior, or to seek out new groups. I do have a "core" social group that is quite tolerant, and that works fine for me.
It is also nice having social spaces where crying is abnormal, since then there's no pressure to engage in such displays. Thanks to an abusive father, crying in front of other people is extremely difficult, and I've only cried in public twice in my life. In other words, my body comes pre-trained to stoicism, and I'm still in the process of training myself to have the option to cry :)
Oh man, I kinda know that feeling. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
I guess I agree that sometimes it isn't worth trying to change the group's behavior, but sometimes it's not worth it to try really hard to avoid crying or puking either? Like, expending X amount of effort to avoid crying or puking isn't worth it if you can use any Y < X effort telling the group to stop being jerks about it. And maybe repairing puke damage, etc. Mainly I'm just arguing that crying and puking shouldn't be included in the "stay classy" heuristic and deser...
I'm not as smart as I like to think I am. Knowing that, I've gotten into a habit of trying to work out as many general principles as I can ahead of time, so that when I actually need to think of something, I've already done as much of the work as I can.
What are your most useful cached thoughts?
A few of the rules-of-thumb I've already pre-cached include:
That should be a reasonable but not overwhelming sample of the sorts of ideas I mean, and am hoping to evoke more of with this post.