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Kenoubi comments on Need some psychology advice - Less Wrong
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I've found a CBT* technique useful for overcoming that sort of anxiety (it's called catastrophising). I write down the situation and my prediction in a spreadsheet. An example would be: Situation - at work, I emailed [girl]; she hasn't emailed back yet. Prediction - She is going to break up with me.
Then when you receive an email back, you write down the outcome in a third column, e.g. received email back - we are meeting up tonight.
Looking back over the spreadsheet, you can see how accurate your predictions have been. I expect they tend to be too negative.
*CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) has a strong evidence base.
ETA: I hope that explanation is clear - I'm in a bit of a rush right now! I really wanted to explain it though, as it's had an extremely positive impact on my anxiety levels.
Thanks! I knew "CBT" would be the answer but I needed a zoom in on a particular technique. I'll try the action / expectation / outcome spreadsheet.
You probably already know this, but if your problems are big, you should try a therapist instead of self-help based on an advice from internet. (Although the advice given on this part of internet is usually better than average.)
Doing something is better than doing nothing. Unless you use it as an excuse for not doing more. (As in: "Nothing can fix my problems. What, CBT? No thanks, I tried one exercise based on an advice from internet, and it did not fix my problem. What, visiting a CBT therapist? I am telling you, I already tried an advice from internet, and it did not work.")
This reminds me that the first time I saw the Yes Minister quote “we must do something; this is something; therefore, we must do this” (out of context, in a signature on Usenet) I thought it was supposed to be surreal humour like “a hamburger is better than nothing; nothing is better than eternal happiness; therefore, a hamburger is better than eternal happiness”. I didn't notice that that quote had a non-patently-inane reading until years later.
I'm considering therapy. My pattern up to now has been more like read some advice, think "oh that would never work", continue to have problem, mope and complain. Baby steps.
If you try advice that was independently rated as good, and it doesn't have any beneficial effects, do a full write-up and I'll give you fifty USD.
I agree that a therapist is better. I actually got the technique I discuss above from a therapist, rather than a book or internet site, but therapy is expensive, and doing exercises by oneself is better than nothing.