There exists an eternal Internet argument, a hydra which reappears in every discussion of art everywhere online, and it grows from the failure of the typical person to disambiguate between entertainment value and other metrics of quality. Most old books are not very entertaining. Most "literature" isn't even very entertaining. I would provide examples but I honestly don't really feel that I need to. Chances are that if you read something in high school, it was both literature and not very entertaining.
A very fast and effective way to make something more entertaining is to make the characters likable or at least relate-able, possessing some degree of internal conflict. Writing an unlikable or flat protagonist is viewed as a novice writing mistake, and yet many literary protagonists are unlikable, or merely very flat.
The value of literature isn't in its entertainment value. We're trained to expect entertainment from art. Suggestions to improve literature are thus usually aimed at making it more entertaining, which in a sense misses the point. In my personal view, I don't see why something can't have literary merit and also be entertaining, but I also try to assess art on its own terms.
I think it uses lots of interesting ideas and is very good at sucker-punch or uplifting set-pieces (it can definitely make me laugh, cry, seethe etc.), but the feel of it is more a series of very effective sketches than a novel.
I feel that this can be attributed to the episodic nature of the work. Novelists have the chance iterate on their novels - the first draft often represents the raw materials from which a good book is later reconstructed. HPMOR is essentially a first draft. It is amazing that it is as good as it is.
We're trained to expect entertainment from art.
I expect entertainment from entertainment. I want to be moved by art, preferably in a way that can be used again and again in life.
From EY's Facebook page, there were two posts that got me thinking about fiction and how to work it better and make it stronger:
I was wondering if we could apply this process to older fiction, Great Literature that is historically praised, and excellent by its own time's standards, but which, if published by a modern author, would seem substandard or inappropriate in one way or another.
Given our community's propensity for challenging sacred cows, and the unique tool-set available to us, I am sure we could take some great works of the past and turn them into awesome works of the present.
Of course, it doesn't have to be a laboratory where we rewrite the whole damn things. Just proprely-grounded suggestions on how to improve this or that work would be great.
P.S. This post is itself a work in progress, and will update and improve as comments come. It's been a long time since I've last posted on LW, so advice is quite welcome. Our work is never over.
EDIT: Well, I like that this thread has turned out so lively, but I've got finals to prepare for and I can't afford to keep participating in the discussion to my satisfaction. I'll be back in July, and apologize in advance for being such a poor OP. That said, cheers!