One of the frequent complaints about the 'agent' concept space, and the "heroic responsibility" concept in particular, is that it rarely seems to take into account people's spheres of responsibility. Are your parents the sort of people who would be able to solve anyone's problem, or are they especially responsible for you? Are other people that seem to be NPCs to you just people that don't care enough about you to spend limited cognitive (and other) resources on you and your problems?

My younger self didn't get this. I remember being surprised and upset that my parents, who would always help me with anything I needed, wouldn't automatically also help me help other people when I asked them. For example, my best friend needed somewhere to stay with her one-year-old, and I was living with my then-boyfriend, who didn't want to share an apartment with a toddler. I was baffled and hurt that my parents didn't want her staying in my old bedroom, even if she paid rent! I'd taken responsibility for helping her, and they had responsibility for helping me, so why not?

Now I know that that's not how most people behave, and that if it was, it might actually be quite dysfunctional.

Do you get more of what you want by blaming people or assigning fault?

I don't think so.