I think you're describing a different issue than I was, or possibly a different facet of the same issue. It looks like you're talking about the signals we send to others, while this essay was about the signals we send to ourselves. In both cases, being aware of those signals is probably the single most important step.

I just don't know how to approach a life without standpoints and arguing.

I don't understand what you mean by "standpoints and arguing," here. I might or might not be able to help if I had a better idea what you were looking for.