I'm not sure I could provide a comprehensive summary... Um... Generally, I'd say much of what I see as damaging involves the expectations that a movie creates for what a romantic relationships should feel like and look like. People get this unrealistic ideal in their minds and spend their lives trying to make that their reality.
A romantic movie is typically about the courtship stage of the relationship. There is some conflict that needs to be resolved, and then the chips all fall neatly into place as our new lovers kiss and the credit roll. The climax is always "And they lived happily ever after..."
The message is kind of that "love! is magical". And when love! happens, it fixes things. Serendipity is a real force in the Universe. Soulmates exist. You'll just know when you know...
The physical universe is not like this. There is a magical-esque feeling neurological component to romantic love, for certain. But soon after, and for the long-haul, love is consistent choice, and often involves a great deal of sacrifice and hard work.
Lots of people don't get this. They are irrational about love. People seem to have the view that everything else under the sun requires maintenance and practice and effort, where as love should just magically work when it is right. I think they often get this idea from fiction. I think it leads people to be shitty at relationships and disillusioned by love over time. And, in terms of its impact on long-term relationships, to the extent that people learn about what love looks like from TV & movies, I think it is substantial.
Sorry, I don't think I was clear about my question.
My question was: what makes you think that TV & movies cause these failures? You seem to keep repeating the conclusion, but I don't understand how you get there.
For example, how do you exclude the possibility that idealizing the "magical-esque feeling neurological component to romantic love" predated TV & movies, and that TV & movies simply recorded that idealization?
Hi,
what good movies can you suggest that give ideas or inspirations on how to be more rational?
I just watched [Memento](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_%28film%29) last night and I was very impressed.
(No spoilers in this post)
The main character is a guy who suffers from amnesia, he forgets everything after a couple minutes so he has developed a system to cope with it. He takes pictures and writes notes. E.g. when staying at a hotel he takes a picture of it and put it in his pocket. So later when he doesnt know where he is staying he searches his pockets, finds the picture of the hotel and then he knows.
What I learned
I identified with the character in the movie because in spite of not having amnesia my memory as everyone elses isn't perfect either and I have all the quirks(biases) of a normal human brain. I cant exactly remember what I did last Thursday at 3 PM. Do I actually know why I am doing what Im doing or why I believe what I believe? I may have good rationalizations for both, of course, but that doesnt mean they are the real reasons.
I like to read LW but I havent developed much of a system to actually be more rational. If anyone has, I would be eager to read about it.
Practical Advice
What system could I develop to be more rational? One thing that a lot of management experts(e.g. Peter Drucker) have already pointed out is to write down how we actually spend our time because often how we spend it is not how we think we spend it and we end up spending much more time on unproductive activities than we are aware of. How much time went into random internet browsing last week?
I will start an activity log during work: how much time Im spending on what. This will be a first step.