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katydee comments on Handshakes, Hi, and What's New: What's Going On With Small Talk? - Less Wrong
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One interesting thing I've noticed is that if you greet someone with an unorthodox but still "within norms" greeting, it can break them out of this pattern.
For instance, I often greet people with "How do you do?". Most people of my generation don't really know how to react to this, and it makes them stop, think, and give a more "real" answer than if I asked "What's up?" or "How's it going?".
If you try to do this, though, be careful that you don't go too far-- I've seen people try to do a similar thing with stuff like "Good morrow" and it tends to look affected.
This might backfire, though - at least in our English class, we were taught that the only acceptable response to being asked "How do you do" is to repeat "How do you do" back.
I hope you didn't take that instruction too strictly or did you have another protocol for getting out of apparent infinite loops?
I worded my comment carefully in anticipation of this question. Note that I said that the acceptable response when being "asked" it is to "repeat it back", not "ask the same question". Clearly the protocol specifies that the same string doesn't count as a question anymore once it's sent in response to a query initiated by someone else.
This is actually true, at least in terms of what's 'proper' to say!
However, very few people know about it anymore, at least in the United States-- that's what I was alluding to when I said that "most people of my generation don't really know how to react to this." In fact, I've legitimately never heard anyone other than myself make the "correct" response there.
I'm a 30-something American, and I only know about this rule from old movies about old times (like Pollyanna, set in the early 1900s).
I do the exact same thing, so far it's been working pretty well. It's a bit easier in German, because we have a larger range of expressions to play with, I wonder about how to do it in English properly.
"How do you do" wouldn't work for me at all; if the other person is familiar with it, then it will function merely as a greeting; and if they don't and take it seriously as a request, it'll cause me to perceive them as uneducated.
I've always felt that "How are you doing" is slightly more of a sincere question that "How's it going", and I am hereby asking for native speakers to confirm or deny this.
My newest idea, which I will try out: "I want to know how you are doing."
For what it's worth, it sounds odd to me. Part of that is, presumably, because "I want" instead of "I'd like to" in connection with something directly involving the interlocutor is rather forceful, likely inappropriately so. But even "I'd like to know how you are doing" comes across as weirdly and artificially sincere, which I suspect gets interpreted as evidence of low social skills, hence reflecting negatively on the speaker. I wonder if this is a trap that all attempts at solving this linguistic problem are bound to fall into.
Imagine it said by someone who is very relaxed, in a soft tone of voice, after the "hello" pleasantries, looking you straight in the eye.
I would agree, but I live in a community with unusual levels of depression/anxiety/etc. and/or openness about the fact, so my recent experience may not generalize.